Film #17: Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)

The people of Santa Mira are such posers.
In the 90s, everyone in town was wearing flannel shirts, cords and cutting themselves to Bad Religion albums.
Then just a few years ago, all the dudes started twi-tarding their hair ala Robert Pussyson, and the ladies began rocking diamond grills and top hats.

Don’t even get me started on what happened to Santa Mirans in the 1950s, when sky-born alien seeds crashed into town and started growing pods that produced exact, soulless, replications of the townsfolk. Even the aliens that inhabit Santa Mira become posers!

Most of the town’s folk succumb quickly to the alien homogenization, but Dr. Miles Bennell won’t have it. He is an individual, see. A free spirit, who lives by his own rules and spits in the butt of the man, man.
It all started when Miles left his small Californian town to attend a medical convention. After only a few days, he is called urgently back due to the high number people coming into his office claiming a strange illness.

Upon his return, those who felt sick are now “just fine,” but others came into his office claiming their loved ones no longer seem like their loved ones. “Doctor, my wife was such a raging hormonal bitch just yesterday, but then this morning I wake up in bed and she is bringing me a feta omelet, Maxim Magazine, Makers Mark whiskey and a Taiwan foot massage. What gives?”
Sure, the townsfolk look the same, but something is different. Off.

At first this is chalked up to a mass delusion by Miles' head-shrinker friend. And that seems enough for him at first, due mostly to a little skirted distraction that saunters into his world. Wouldn’t you know it if a dame makes her way into the picture. Miles former girlfriend Becky had just returned to town, and swings by the lover boy’s medical practice with the hope of playing doctor.

The two go on a date, but are quickly called to the home of Miles’ friend Jack Belicec who found a seemly dead body lying in his home. Fishy thing is, the body has no distinguishing facial features or fingerprints, but is the exact height and weight of Jack. As time goes on, the corpse transforms into an exact copy of Jack’s ugly mug. Freaked, Jack, his wife, Becky and Miles hide out in Miles home, but soon find mysterious pods in Miles backyard that contain replications of the four friends – including Miles and Becky!

Seems these pods have the ability to grow an exact copy of a person, and when the time is right, promptly steals one’s mind upon the real Slim Shady going to sleep.
A nefarious alien world domination scheme is uncovered, and the sole survivors work to stop the spore-ification before it spreads across the country.
The peer pressure to conform is laid on thicker than middle school in the 1956 classic flick “Invasion of the Body Snatchers.”

RDHP Ratings and Reviews:

C-Rating: 4.5
Chris Dimick shouts while running through the street:
“I’m going to read into this movie probably more than I should. After all, the writer and director have both said that Invasion of the Body Snatchers was meant as nothing more than a movie about killer aliens from outer space. But sometimes a well-crafted piece of art can break loose from its master, and take on a purpose not originally intended.
Several people can look at a painting and take away a different impression not intended by the artist. I feel this is the case with Body Snatchers.

You gotta love when a satirical premise hides within a horror movie. Scream flicks are supposed to be light and fun, and I respect that. But you don’t have to look hard in order for Body Snatchers to tell you a little something about humanity. Because of the release date, 1956, many people think Body Snatchers is a commentary on communism and the Cold War. I feel they are wrong -- that is not my view of the painting -- though I can see their point. The story is about a slowly advancing invasion, coming from within our own kind, which is set on ridding people of their individually, freedom of thought, and personal emotion, in order for everyone to be and act the same. A 1956 American’s idea of the threat of Communism, right?

To me, Body Snatchers’ point is much darker than the sickle and hammer. It is a story about the suburbanization of America. The loss of individually that comes from the pressure to conform to American idealism -- to have the biggest house, the nicest car, the prettiest wife, the smartest 2.5 kids and the greenest front yard.
One by one, the townspeople fall to the wishes of the group, losing first their individually, then their entire range of emotions in the process. At one point in the film, actor Kevin McCarthy (Miles) says “many people ordinarily allow their humanity to slip away, most don’t even mind.”

People are so miserable from having to keep up with everyone else, that it doesn’t even matter by the time they realize their race to conform has left them empty, devoid of personality, bland, and in a sense, without purpose. By conforming into pod people, or "suburbanities" according to the movie, they gave up everything unique about them. In a sense, they gave up their self.

All we have in this world, really, is our “self,” our thoughts, passions, loves, hates, really-hates (I’m angry a lot), and general interests. To me, Body Snatchers preaches that these simple things are really the most priceless aspects in our lives. To take those away, you might as well die.

As the exchange between a Pod Person and Miles goes, life isn’t worth living if you can’t live the good with the bad.
Pod Person: “Love, desire, ambition, faith - without them, life's so simple, believe me.
Miles: "I don't want any part of it."
Or take what Miles girlfriend, Becky (played by the stunning Dana Wynter) says when confronting the thought of becoming a pod person:
Becky: “I don't want to live in a world without love or grief or beauty, I'd rather die.”

Any movie that makes you think, just a little, about life is worth watching. What I took away from Body Snatchers was not a racing heart (no real scares by today’s standard) or a mind full of exciting action (conversation is the real star). No, what I got out of it was a reminder about life: appreciate what you already have, and feel equally fortunate when you experience love, loss, joy and pain. It is all part of the human experience. It reminds us: You are alive. So live.

N-Rating: 2.8

Nick Rich shouts while running through the street:
"Admittedly I didn't have an ideal viewing of IOTBS (my PC is in for repair and I had to watch it on my oooollllllddd laptop, so the image would freeze every few minutes while the sound trucked on), but this film didn't romance me in quite the way it did Chris. From his review, it seemed to me like it romanced Chris in a cerebral way, appealing to his intellect (Pod Person?), but for me it romanced my heart (my head is just such a distraction some times - for example, I kept seeing leading man Kevin McCarthy as I first encountered him)! In Chris's defense he had seen this film multiple times, while this was my first - and what a first it was!

Watching IOTBS was what I hope for from most films - a time capsule. Repeatedly while watching the sassy lines strolls by, the dry martinis flow in every situation and the casual pipe smoking while looking over a corpse I could feel myself sitting in a 1950's Drive-in watching this film in the hot summer night... that feeling is one of main reasons I watch movies, as a means of time travel. I didn't muse about the social implications of what the film was saying (I immediately chalked it up to commie hysteria and moved on), sure I could have, but I was simply enjoying the cruise through 1956 too much to bother...

And jeepers mister, did the 1950's ever have something to offer! The word 'causal' didn't exist! Everyone was dressed to the nines at all times - even in their sleepwear:



Ladies were comfortable wearing their hair shorter and showing off their necks (scandalous), even in a small town there were doctors for everything (including your brain thoughts!) and everyone was overly polite (even in extreme situations, i.e. finding a corpse in your house)! What a magical time... is it any wonder that I got wrapped up in it all? If anything I think I should be given a medal for fighting back against the Pod People with the only weapon we have against such a threat - our hearts!

The Skinny: check this flick out if you're in the mood to treat your lady to a nice evening out - rent a 1950's Chevy, find a vintage clothing store for threads and drive out to the country with a projector and watch this one on the side of a barn."

RDHP Salutes “Sassy Talk”

There is nothing the RDHP loves to hear more in older movies than a sexually charged, carefully worded dialog exchange between characters.
Movies had to watch their manners back in the day, which meant people couldn’t amp up the dirty talk when flirting with each other. “Hey, I like your dirty ass, wanna go up to my bang-chamber and f*$#” just wouldn’t fly in the olden days. Instead, subtly took over for vulgarity in characters’ discussions, resulting in talk that is much more titillating than if interlaced with f-bombs and other graphicness.

Here are a couple examples of what we like to call “sassy talk” exchanged between Miles and Becky in Invasion of the Body Snatchers:

Miles: "This is the oddest thing I've ever heard of. Let's hope we don't catch it. I'd hate to wake up some morning and find out that you weren't you."

Becky: [laughs] "I'm not the high school kid you use to romance, so how can you tell?"
Miles: "You really want to know?"

Becky: Mmm-hmm.

Miles: [after kissing her hard] "Mmmmmmm, you're Becky Driscoll, all right!"

Becky: "Is this an example of your bedside manner, doctor?"

Miles: "No, ma'am. That comes later."

SASSY TALK!

JIA!

Things the RDHP Learned from Watching Invasion of the Body Snatchers:
-Divorced men come “completely house-broken.”
-Don’t ever fall asleep. Body Snatchers will steal your mind.
-Brand new Dodge’s sell for $650. I knew Crisis-lyer was in trouble, but…
-Liquor solves a bad case of hysteria.
-Slapping little boys on the butt – totally cool in the 50s!
-A doctor’s wife needs "the intelligence of Einstein and the patience of a saint."

HOLY SH*T! RUN! THE INVASION HAS BEGUN!

Look around you! The Body Snatchers are back and have replicated some of our most familiar faces. These fake, blank, dead behind the eyes, manufactured, soulless “people,” listed for your convenience below, must be stopped. You get the pitch-fork, and I’ll get the fire!

Nicole Kidman

Ironically she starred in the 2007 remake of Body Snatchers, which we feel was just a clever ploy to throw us off the truth. Looking into her eyes is like staring down I-94 in February. It is cold, lonely, and empty.

Pod Person, beyotch!

Tom Cruise

No one can just naturally be this overly smiley, dull, and weird. Sure, he could just be bonkers, but we think a simpler explanation is pod person take-over. Plus, he was once married to Kidman… it happened at the same time!

Busted! Pod Person!

Justin Bieber

This little happy bastard just looks like he was formed from a Body Snatcher pod… most likely planted in the Disney Vault. Look at those eyes. Nuthin’!

He’s a muther-grabbin’ Pod Person.

Ben Stein

Have you heard him TALK!?!?
Let's take attendance: Pod Person? Pod Person? Pod Person?
Pod Person!

Audrina Patridge:

Her life is full of consumerism. Her head is empty. She is meaningless, and her very existence brings down the collective intelligence of humanity. And just look at those dead eyes. THEY ARE SO DEAD!

This one’s a Pod Person, yo!

Shawn Johnson:

She’s totally a Pod Person. Just listen to this quote, imagining her tight-lipped, chipmunk voice: “hi,yeah,this one time I fell off my balance beam and cracked my naughty bone so hard, and now doctor says I’m no longer a little girl but a woman, and he had never seen someone take so much wood. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Uhhhhh Hi”

Sooooo a Pod Person.

Creepy Neighbor Dave

You see this guy every morning, standing in the middle of his lawn with dog and dog leash in hand, blankly staring off into the distance. Don’t look into his eyes, your soul will get sucked in. Sometimes he flashes a half-dead smile, but that just makes him even creepier.
Pod Person if I ever saw one!

Overly Nice Receptionist

Sure, she says hi to you every morning with a blank expression and “Black-hole Sun Video” like smile on her spackled lips, but you know right after that she gets back to making her office kill list and drinking kitten blood from that “Hang in there, baby” coffee mug.

She-boom! She’s a Pod Person!

I-Pod People

They have no distinguishing features. They are soulless automatons. And the frigging words Pod People are in their name. Need we say more?

They are friggin’ Pod People!

The REAL Origins of the Pod People:
You don’t believe everything the government spoon-feeds you, do you? Sure, they told us the Pod People came from intergalactic space seeds which crashed into the earth’s soil and grew pea-looking pods that had the ability to replicate humans. But we've heard that story a thousand times.

The true believers know these pods came not from outer space, but from that son-of-a-bitch veggie mutant… THE JOLLY GREEN GIANT:

Prophetic Warnings the RDHP have Screamed in Highway Traffic:
-The cast of the Golden Girls has reunited for a sex tape. All the cast members!
-Pink is the new Black!
-I just saved hundreds on my car insurance by switching to Geico!
-Beware! Brian Williams is the self-indulgent Anti-Christ!
-Shamrock Shakes allow McDonalds to control your Irish!
-Don't buy the oranges - your purchase won't be taxed!
-I’m bringing ugly back!
-The feds are listening through your molars!
-Brain freeze! BRAIN FREEEEEZZZZEEE!
-Arnold Schwarzenegger's accent is fake - don't be fooled, DON'T BE FOOLED!!!
-Muhammad is coming! Look busy!

Film #16: Phantasm (1979)

Life is relentlessly confusing.
As with the final season of Lost, we must ask Life: Will it divulge any secrets before we become planted petunias?
Why do bad things happen to good people?
Is the point of this all to work, or to play?
Corn looks the same coming out as it does going in? What’s up with that?!
As perplexing as these life questions may be, they pale in comparison to the conundrum that is the this week's movie: “Phantasm.”

We’d have a better shot answering any of the above questions than describing just what Phantasm is about. But here goes…

Mike Pearson is a hard-ass 13-year-old who likes Mustangs, shotguns and watching his brother have sex. Brothers are all Mikey has after his parents died in a car wreck, and his bad luck continues after the oldest brother mysteriously “kills himself.” Second oldest Pearson brother Jody tells Mike to save his tears and skip the funeral. But this kid doesn’t take no for an answer, and decides instead to spy on the proceedings with his binoculars.

After the mourners leave, Mike sees a gigantor funeral director put his brother’s coffin not in the ground, but back in the hearse. Seems this “Tall Man” has other plans for the body back in the mansion-like, creepy funeral home. Remember, it isn't rape if the person is dead.

Determined to get to the bottom of this weirdness, Mike and soon Jody enter the funeral parlor and discover the Tall Man has a spacey secret, as well as an alien arsenal of weapons to protect his outfit.
The Tall Man has been taking bodies, like Mike’s brother and parents, and turning them into murderous miniature midgets that like to use teeth!

Soon the brothers' creepy ice cream man friend gets involved in the Tall Man takedown, and the men struggle to ensure no more townsfolk will be turned into murderous shrunken alien slaves (?). Things degrade into a battle between late 70s feathered hair, ball shaped head drills and ooze filled aliens in the 1979 weirdness “Phantasm.”

RDHP Ratings and Reviews:

C-Rating: 1.3
Chris Dimick reveals:
“Weird movies usually enthrall me. There is nothing better than a film ending and going “What was that!? What happened?!” But Phantasm is no Stanley Kubrick picture. Its weirdness comes not from the brain, but from another body cavity located a few feet below.

This movie makes absolutely no sense. The incoherent plot is never fully realized, and the audience never really understands what is going on right up until the ambiguous and unfeeling ending. Random characters appear throughout the movie without back-story. The characters behavior in certain situations is completely unrealistic. One minute a guy is dead, then he is alive with flimsy explanation. Is this a movie about magic, alien invasion, psychopathic murder, or all of the above? The movie never really lands on one topic, but just kind of throws everything at the screen and hope something sticks with the viewer.

Everything was just so random. One minute a topless hoochie is stabbing a fella in a cemetery. The next an alien man is sending metallic death orbs flying around a mausoleum. Then there are the shotgun laden action scenes on the country road. Don’t even get me started about the abandoned well at the end. RANDOM!

This film is a great example of why filmmakers should employ the opinions of those around them when making a movie. One man, Don Coscarelli, did practically everything on Phantasm. He was the director, producer, writer, cinematographer and editor on the film. When you do it all yourself, you have no one to tell you how much it sucks. And this sucks, bad. It was an original idea, just poorly executed.

Sadly, I think we are alone in our view on this one though. Not only did this movie -- made for $300,000 -- pull in nearly $12 million at the box office in 1979, but it spawned four sequels. Am I missing something here? Really, four sequels. All those sequels must have been used to explain what happened in the original movie.

Even though I bash, I am glad I saw this one. It was just so crazy, I couldn’t stop watching. I just couldn’t wait to see what inane plot twist would come next. And now that I think about it, leaving the audience with no rhyme or reason as to who the Tall Man was or why he was doing what he was doing is actually an interesting attribute of Phantasm.

The characters had no idea what was going on, exactly, in that funeral home, even by the end. They just lumbered through the drama, doing the best they could. Such is life, really. We don’t always have the answers to things that are profoundly affecting our lives.
Maybe Phantasm got it right, and made a social commentary on our very existence. Maybe? Maybe!”

N-Rating: 1.6
Nick Rich reveals:
"My rating system in this instance is much like this movie - there's no rhyme or reason to it. As I wandered through the thick San Diegan night in the subsequent hours after this film (with psychedelic organ music blaring in my head), I thought to myself "What am I going to rate this one?" and for some reason from the depths of my mind "1.6" emerged. I knew I had to rate it poorly as it was so incoherent... but to be honest, given the caliber of films we've watched here at the RDHP, I felt a bit out of my depth when faced with the daunting prospect of doling out such a low rating.

I mean, this film will be the benchmark of what a bad film must measure up to for the duration of the RDHP - high standards indeed! Speaking of bad... 1970's, what's your deal, man?!? First you give us Let's Scare Jessica To Death, now THIS?!?! I'm beginning to lose my horror faith in the era of feathered-hair-tight-pants-wearing-cocaine-sniffing-gold-chain-a-dangling-hairy-chest-a-shaking-boogie-oogie-oogie-ness! Apparently, the 70's left its horror heart in its LSD-laced silk boxer briefs...

Back to why I gave this film a 1.6 - sorry if my review seems disjointed, I'm just trying to give you a feel for what it was like to - as bad as this film was, I did derive some enjoyment from precisely how bad it was. Within the first five minutes I apologized to Chris for already starting to berate the film ala MST3K (to which Chris promptly replied "let's give it a chance"), but it just lent itself to mockery so easily. The acting was bad, the music cheesily pervasive, the situations non-nonsensical (seriously, what was with the psychic grandmother and the hand-eating box?), the outfits groovy, and the plot was, well, nonexistent... all of which makes a film best viewed with a healthy dose of heckling.


The Skinny: Watch this film if you need to discern whether or not you are schizophrenic - if it makes perfect sense to you I would highly suggest setting aside some time this weekend to look for a good head doctor!

Quote of the Viewing:
[As the end credits roll, a list of five “grips” appears in the scroll]
Nick: That sure is a lot of grips.
Chris: They must have been there to try and hold onto the plot. But it just kept slipping away.

Things We Learned from Watching Phantasm:
-Never have sex in a cemetery. It always ends badly.
-Jody Pearson doesn’t “get off on funerals”
-Really good guitar jam sessions can be “as hot as love.”
-Severed fingers make great souvenirs of an alien attack
-Watching your brother have casual sex is fine if you are bored
-“That retarded kid Timmy up the street” can easily be confused with a murderous alien
-Don’t aim a gun at someone unless you are going to shoot them. And don’t shoot someone unless you are going to kill him. No warning shots!
-You can MacGyver a shotgun cartridge, scotch tape and a thumb tack to explode open a jammed door

Chris Explains “The Wife Factor”:

It never fails. Every time Nick and I are watching a horror movie that unbeknownst to us contains some sort of nudity or strange sexual situation, one or both of our wives will walk into the room and look at the screen. This magical little F-U from the gods is something I like to call, “The Wife Factor.”

Horror movies are graphic. Many of them – especially post-1965 films – have gratuitous nudity and sex interlaced throughout the picture. Not all horror movies we watch have X-rated action, but when it does, you can bet one of our wives will walk in at that specific moment.

This was the case with Phantasm. Now, we are all adults here. The human body is a beautiful thing, and personally I have no objection to some nudity and sex sprinkled throughout my horror movies. Let’s face it… everyone likes sex. Even your mom likes sex. If she didn’t, you wouldn’t be sitting in front of your computer screen.

Bottom line, I’m not offended when a horror movie delivers a glance of some gazongas or sexy-time during the regular course of its story. But dammit if it never fails that one of our wives will walk in the room at the exact moment of that sex act or nudity. The timing it outright bizarre.

A majority of the time our wives don’t notice the “action” on screen. But sometimes we might get a disapproving look or a conspicuous “What are you watching?” Really, they don’t have to say anything at all, because just their walking in the room at that moment and looking at the screen makes us feel uncomfortable and even a little guilty.

“Bare breasts that aren’t my wife’s! I should be ashamed! I’m such a pervert!” is a thought that courses through the brain at that instant.

I know I’m a grown man and can damn well watch a movie that has sex and knockers in it if I please. Also, I don’t know for sure, but I’m prone to think my wife really doesn’t care if a horror movie I’m watching has buxom sluts going wild on screen. She’s cool like that.
But that doesn’t stop me from feeling uncomfortable when the wife walks in and two electronic jugs are bouncing in my face.

It is the same feeling you get when watching a movie with your parents, and suddenly the seemingly PG- rated movie takes an R-rated turn down T-and-A Alley. Nothing is worse than watching your mom squirm in her seat next to you as two starlets do the horizontal mambo.
You think, “Should I watch this in silence?” “Should I make a comment?” “How long is this scene going to last!” “Oh dear lord I hope there is a razor blade under this chair cushion.” “Make it stop!”
What should have been a silly, erotic mental adventure suddenly turns into a federal prison mind rape.

If your mate was watching the movie the whole time, and saw the naughty scene in context of the film, there would be no problem. It’d be an opportunity for a laugh. But just their walking in at that one moment, out of context… one feels like they are being caught watching something they shouldn’t.

For the record, I’m not mad at our wives’ reactions when they walk in and some horror movie vixen is ripping off her chest-baskets. Can you blame them? Every time they witness the RDHP it is during the usually ONE scene in the movie where naked people are getting busy.

From their point of view, all Nick and I watch is sex filled scream fests. “Maybe they should change the name to the Rich-Dimick Porno Project,” they might as well think.
This should set things straight, once and for all. Molly and Melissa, I promise you Nick and I do not purposefully select sex-filled horror movies for the RDHP. Nor are we watching porno via the Internet every Tuesday night.

We do THAT on Thursdays.

Nick Explains Chris Explaining “The Wife Factor”:

Did Chris just say "gazongas?"

RDHP Celebrates Randomness:

Phantasm was one of the most random movies the RDHP has ever seen. To celebrate, we offer some of our unconnected random thoughts… just like Phantasm’s plot!

Xylophones:

Why doesn’t this word start with a Z?

The Doors – Love Me Two Times

By Chris Dimick

I heard this song on the radio this morning, and it just really hit the spot. Sure, I’d heard it a 100 times before, but this morning that little ditty bounced around my head like I was hearing for the first time. You ever have that happen to you? You just hear the right song, at the right moment, and you realize just how great it is. Something connected, and it felt beautiful. Not only that, hearing Love Me Two Times this morning reminded me why we have music in our lives.

Pickling

Who came up with this practice and why does it make things taste so good? In principle pickling predominately pertains purposefully towards saturating things that aren't so good (i.e. cucumbers) so they become awesome (i.e. pickles); but what would happen if you ate something that was awesome before it was pickled???

Lasagna

Just looking at this makes us hungry. Garfield had it right, there is no better food on the planet.

Ed Wood

If you have never seen this Tim Burton/Johnny Depp collaboration from the mid-90s, drop everything right now and go rent it. Seriously… put down that knitting set or sex whip or whatever freaky thing you are into these days. Get out there and see it. The best docu-drama you will ever see about a film maker. Plus, with Jeffrey Jones, Bill Murray and others in the line up you can't go wrong. I’ll give you a dollar if you don’t laugh or cry once during the movie.

Rolling Stops
Seriously, is there any other kind?



Spring B.O. Haiku!

by Chris Dimick

I had my first hot weather induced face-full of armpit BO
this evening on a Chicago Bus.

Ahhhh, the smells of spring are in the air!

finally

(We were scared. Scared the run time was longer than listed.)

Film #15: Cat People (1942)

Cougars are all the same.
They troll back alleys and other filth holes where young men lounge, rubbing up on the first tight leg they can find. A slinky “meow” here and a long stretch there, and soon that cougar is running the poor sucker's life. When the mood strikes the cougar, it will show some affection, curling up around the lap of its cub. But usually it just parades around the house hissing orders for Friskies Fine Cuts and pissing on the carpet.

She’ll soon get bored, and then things get ugly. When the last drop of soul is sucked from the poor boy's mouth, the cougar will quickly devour her cub in one fell gulp, spitting the tender bones aside into a pile of divorce papers. Then it’s back to the alley in search of another supple cub, the taste of the last still on her vicious tongue.
OH DEMI! WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME!

Correction, most cougars are all the same. Irena, lead in the 1942 movie Cat People, is a very tragic exception. First off, she is the rare young cougar, and thoroughly despises her fate.
An Eastern European import, Irena came to America to escape the old country and its demons. Friendless, Irena spends her days sketching a panther at her local zoo. But with a fetching puss, it isn’t long before litter Nazi and single man Oliver Reed takes notice.

After berating Irena for throwing her sketches on the ground, the two become fast friends, and even faster newlyweds. Oliver is so hot in the pants to get married that he doesn’t even flinch when Irena starts talking about how she comes from an evil Serbian village, where witches had cast spells turning humans into vicious beasts.

Irena believes that inside her lurks a cougar, and all it takes is one kiss to transform her from stylistic 1940s sex kitten into a killer cat!

Oliver is obviously a dumbass: it is one thing to marry someone who is utterly cat-shit bonkers, but to not even be able to kiss her without being killed for it – after the I-do’s? Crazy and no touches? Sure, sign that marriage certificate buddy, ya jackass.

Things get complicated when Oliver starts to fall for “modern” woman Alice, a slut who works at his office. Ladies in the workplace!? Stogy white men baring cigars and brandy tried to warn these problems would occur.

At first Alice and Oliver were just friends too, but Irena suspects Alice is trying to steal her man from the start and demands she stay away. I’ve heard of being catty, but geez Louise!

Irena learns of their eventual affair, and is sent into a rage. But will she turn into a blood-thirsty kitty and tear them to pieces, or just get shipped off to the nut-house to sit in her own cat-mess?

Watch the cat-fight unfold in the 1942 prowler “The Cat People.”

RDHP Ratings and Reviews:

C-Rating: 2.7

Chris Dimick catcalls:

“Cat People made me purr. (Oh, how I love horrible puns.) But only that low kind of inside purr cats dish out when they are pissed at their masters, but can’t help feeling the jive of those hand strokes. Let’s face it, this flick was pretty ridiculous.

Movie, I have a few questions for you. Who the hell can “fall in love” with a woman after having a brief conversation about zoo animals? I know it is 1942 and every health guy was a mere Uncle Sam call away from having his giblets shot off by a ‘Kraut sniper, but one might want to actually date a lady for at least a day before “falling in love.” Also, what kind of dope asks a woman to marry him after two dates, one of which involved going to a pet shop where the animals completely go ape-shit at the sight of your beloved? And finally, what man would marry a woman who tells him upfront that she will uncontrollability and viciously murder him if they ever happen to kiss. Looks like someone was interested in growing a beard on his wedding day.

Fortunately, these plot-holes were patched with concrete directing and great use of shadow and lighting.

Cat People was filmed during World War II, and money was tight for producer Val Lewton. To combat this, most scenes that involved any sort of special effect were instead shot in the shadows, which greatly enhanced the suspense and imagination of the viewer trying to figure out if Irena is indeed a cat, or just a crazy kitty. Cat People is the first of several Val Lewton wartime movies to gain acclaim for their small budget and big impact.

While the plot alone is lame enough to leave you cat-atonic (yes!), the quick pace of the flick keeps the audience enticed. As do the ladies garments! As many know, Nick and I are supreme fashionistas, and just adore critiquing ladies modern-wear. Bryant Park is my second favorite place on earth, behind the shoe department at Nordstrom’s. Seriously world, I’d take a buttoned up 1940s era dress any day over a Victoria’s Secret panties of the month when it comes to sexy coverings. This film didn’t disappoint in its fashion, which had huge ladies hats, staunchly, tight ladies dresses, and even a naked shoulder scene that gave us a case of Cat Scratch Fever.

Women and men knew how to dress in the 1940s, at least in the movies. This film gets a 2.7 for the hot women’s dresses alone. Meow!"

N-Rating: 2.8
Nich Rich catcalls:
"This film had moxy! It was simple, fun and interesting enough to keep me distracted from wanting more from it than it had to give (which in my book is a plus) - AND it has a statue of a man on horseback skewering a cat with his sword!!!

What more could you ask for in a film? Plot you say? Well, yes I suppose one might get wrapped up in those details if they weren't distrac-ooo, did I mention all the pretty clothes? The ladies were always dressed to the nines and the fellas always looked amazingly dapper! Seriously, this movie made you want to live in the 1940's... well, except for that whole World War II incident... and the lower life expectancy... and the blatant racism... and the lack of Jimmy Johns, but you catch my meaning. I mean, who wouldn't want to live in a time where catch phrases actually make you look cool and you can smoke 'healthy' cigarettes in literally any situation!

The sleepwear was breathtaking and made me wish I could unearth a 1940's bathrobe like the one Irena had for my lovely bride (it made me want hunt down whoever invented sleep-pants and smack them firmly across the cheek). I doubt the robe was authentic, but it was so awesome it transcended my normal authenticity guidelines (no easy feat). Also, the hats (the best of which looked like a giant clam!) sprinkled throughout the film made me want to bat at the screen like a kitten on catnip!

This film was by no means scary, but was straight-up enjoyable to watch - there was always something to chuckle at or ogle. I highly recommend it for those who can't get enough of everything 1940's.
The Skinny: catch this flick if you feel like hosting a MST3K party at your house or if you have to cram for a fashion exam the next morning!"

Cat People Movie Trivia:
-Original trade reviews appeared Friday the 13, November 1942.
-The film was in theaters for so long that critics who had originally bashed the film were able to see it again and many rewrote their reviews with a more positive spin.
-Fifteen panthers were killed and eaten by the cast during the course of filming.
-When "The Cat Woman" (played, uncredited, by Elizabeth Russell) speaks to Irena in Serbian and calls her "my sister", but Russell's dialog is dubbed by Simone Simon, who played Irena.
-The zoo panther shown in the opening scene was later diagnosed with the first case of feline AIDS.
-The panther was Adolph Hitler’s favorite animal. In fact, he had the animal tattooed on his plum pouch.

RDHP presents: The Feline Hall of Fame

Below are some frisky critters the RDHP just can't get enough of.

Heathcliff
(Who doesn't love the poor kid's Garfield)

Cat Stevens

(Oh what a crazy terrorist cat, man!)

Pussy Cat Dolls

(These felines were much better seen and not heard)

Plastic surgery Cat Woman
(Serves you right, you vain psycho!)

Felix the Cat

(Yeah, we've never seen one of his cartoons either)

Tiger Man

(If only our wives would get this procedure)

Mc Skat Kat
(Lets hope he doesn't stay true to his name)

Kitty Pyrde

(Not only the youngest X-man, but she finally said what we were all thinking)

John Mayer
(Oh, we're sorry, he's a pussy, not a cat)

RDHP Examine "Cougars"

What is up with all of these old, crusty women shacking up with young cats? We just don't get it. Check out all these predatory cougars hitting the town with whittle baby cubbies:

Mariah Carey/Nick Cannon

(Just because you date a 20-year-old doesn’t mean you can dress like a 20-year-old)

Demi Moore/Ashton Kutcher

(Demi uses the time out corner when Ashton won’t put down his Twitter and come to the table for supper)

Laura Bush/George Bush

(One’s a grown woman, the other has the mental capacities of a 12-year-old)

Kathy Griffin and Levi Johnston

(Some individuals will do anything for fame. Others will do it together)

Madonna and Jesus Luz

(Every year her boyfriends just get younger and younger. What a peder-ass!)

Things the RDHP Learned from Watching Cat People:
-If attacked by a cougar, swim to the center of the nearest swimming pool. Cats hate water
-Office sluts were just as slutty in 1942
-“You crazy kid” is 1940s slang for “You stupid beyotch”
-Cats can sense who is “not right”
-Chicks dig lion roars, it reminds them of sea shell sounds
-Don’t ever marry a woman who won’t kiss you
-When in immanent danger, don't forget to turn off the drafting tables before fleeing
-Keeping a kitten in a shoebox is totally humane if you punch holes in the lid

Random Corner:
Hey, they got cat class, and they got cat style. They also get their dinner from a garbage can... somehow we feel that line is especially true today.