Film #38: The Lost World (1925)

Damn, dirty apes!
If we learned anything from our nine years in college (what, we liked to party), it is this fact:
Primate monkeys want to be people.

And since they can’t be, these Bobos are so jealous of man that they will strike out with furious fury every chance they can get. For this reason, it is commonly agreed that all monkeys should be shot on sight, before it is too late.

Don’t believe us!? Just watch this week’s flick “The Lost World.” A group of adventurous humans are trapped in a land filled with carnivorous Allosauruses and horny Triceratops, but the animal they have to fear most is a jealousy-filled Ape-Man bent on crushing their melons with rocks! Where is a good monkey gun when you need one!

The flick starts with South American explorer Professor Challenger returning to London with wild claims of a world stuck in the Jurassic era. He said while exploring the uncharted areas of the Amazon River, he came across a huge elevated plateau that, due to its separation from the main jungle, never evolved beyond the age of dinosaurs. Problem is, his canoe tipped over while heading back from the trip and all his proof of the dinos was destroyed. Yeah right, liar.
Preposterous! Outlandish! Absurd! His snotty colleagues yell. Burn the witch!

Challenger offers the audience a challenge, come with him and he will prove the existence of this prehistoric Lost World. Several volunteers step up the task, including sissy boy reporter Edward E. Malone. See Malone loves this dame who don’t love him back, due to the fact that she wants a man with gusto, a man with stories, a man with “strange experiences.” Since that funny business in the sheep barn 13 years ago didn’t count, Malone sees the dino-expedition as a chance to impress his lady love.

When he hears that one of Challengers colleagues was stranded back in the Lost World, the father of worried and lovely Miss Paula White, Malone sees the potential for a sensational newspaper story and his paper decides to fund the entire expedition – with exclusive rights to the story, of course.

Challenger’s new team only half believes they will find anything. After all, Olde Challenger has Doc Brown hair and a Rip Van Winkle beard – who would believe anything this kook says. But when they arrive, The Lost World is more exciting, horrific and dangerous than they could have ever imagined.

Dinos run wild, half man-apes stalk their every move, and violent volcanoes bubble searing lava. Things go from bad to worse when a dum-dum Brontosaurus destroys their bridge between the Lost and Found worlds. The lava isn’t the only thing heating up, as Malone and Miss White begin to get more friendly than a pack of raptors feeding on a goat carcass.

Are our beloved adventurers trapped forever? Will Malone get in some “strange experiences” with a dino?! What about the killer monkeys?!?

Find out in this week’s silent but deadly action/adventure/horror masterpiece, 1925’s “The Lost World.”

RDHP Ratings and Reviews

C-Rating: 4.1
Chris Dimick dino-roars:
“What kid doesn’t love dinosaurs? I’ll tell you what kid, a communist brat! Take them away, boys and lock ‘em up in the CIA raptor pen (I know they have one). Waterboard what’s left of ‘em after that if you like, the filthy non-dino-loving asshole.

Growing up like most male American Twinkie-eating Midwesterners, I was infatuated with these prehistoric ponies. A longtime popular toy around the five-child Dimick home was a set of plastic dinosaurs I received one birthday. My brothers and I would make them battle to the death, chomp down various ill-fated G.I. Joes, and even destroy a few of baby sister’s Barbies.

For each birthday, our caring mother would bake us a themed birthday treat that would make the folks at Charm City Cakes jealous. Most of us demanded a dinosaur cake, which my mom would usually produce as a sheet cake with blue frosting for water, and a middle brown-frosting island covered with terrifying plastic T-Rexes, swaying palm trees, tiny cavemen, and meandering herbivores. It was one of the coolest presents a boy could receive.
My thoughts drifted to those beautiful cakes during this week’s viewing of The Lost World.

I’m in the triple-decades now, but that doesn’t mean my inner love for those giant, angry, dumb, former kings of the world has diminished. After all these years, I had just forgotten how awesome dinosaurs were. And you know what; they are still awesome… even for an adult.

And if you want dinosaurs, The Lost World delivers in spectacular fashion. One might hear the words “special effects driven 1925 silent film” and expect a one way trip to wrist-cutting-boredom-ville. But The Lost World’s special effects amazingly hold up enough to still be fun and amazing to see. These aren’t your CGI T-Rexes smashing through a bathroom and slicing into a John-riding lawyer (Confession, I saw 1993’s Jurassic Park seven times in the theater during its original run. Yes, I was obsessed.)

But that doesn’t mean Lost World's creatures aren’t realistic-looking. I mean, have you ever seen a dinosaur? No. Then how do you know they didn’t look or behave as they did in this film?

Beyond all that, the detail involved in creating these stop-motion dinosaurs is above and beyond anything I've seen from that period, or even the following 40 years. The way they breathe, walk and best of all fight is pretty realistic. Better yet, it is a riot to watch.

And hide the kiddies eyes for some parts; these dinosaurs are not your average Barney fair – one fight scene realistically portrays an Allosaurus gutting then eating a Stegosaurs.

The Lost World is in the monster movie genre of horror, a genre that usually isn’t kind to films as they age. Scary monsters just lose their flair as cultural tastes change and people get used to their image –Frankenstein’s monster had people fainting in the aisles in the 1930s, but today it is no more terrifying than Herman Munster.

But dinosaurs will always scare and fascinate moviegoers as long as they appear on screen. The more we see of them, the more we are intrigued at how helpless we would have been in their presence. They are the ultimate monster… one ironically that brings out the awe-filled whittle kid in you.

Kick into the plot some interesting human characters, solid humor, and a friggin’ fantastic trick monkey named Jocko, and The Lost World, though 85 years old, still tastes as fresh as one of Mom Dimick’s dino birthday cakes.”



N-Rating: 4.0
Nick Rich dino-roars:
"If there's one thing I've learned from watching movies its never combine scientists and dinosaurs - it never turns out well. The Lost World only cemented this knowledge firmly in my brain as I discovered that 85 years ago the situation was exactly the same! This film displayed dinosaurs in a way that had never been experienced before and unleashed on the world an iconic image that still burns bright even today. Dinosaurs sure do get around!


I can absolutely see why people were blown away by this film when it came out - the effects were absolutely amazing! After seeing some advance footage in 1922, the New York Times ran a front page article saying "these monsters of the ancient world, or of the new world discovered in the ether, were extraordinarily lifelike. If fakes, they were masterpieces."

Personally, I'd even go so far as to say that they were better than what was being produced 55 years later! The dinosaurs weren't just a gimmick in this film, the footage of them was copious - even bordering on too much. As I was watching yet another dino attack scene come to an end I was shocked to see saliva and goo in the victors chomping jaws! Keep in mind this reaction is coming from a person who grew up watching Jurassic Park (I didn't see it 7 times like Chris, but I have a wondrously fond memory of seeing it in a magical faraway land - Traverse City - as a young lad); just imagine how someone in 1925 would have reacted!

That's what I'm learning to love about older films... they engage my imagination in a way modern films with all of their zip and zap will never be able to - they make me imagine what it would have been like to view a film in a different time (a practice I've found extremely enjoyable as we've progressed through the project).
And 1925 was certainly a different time.
Now, most modern viewers might find themselves a little bored with this film as the effects (of course) aren't as good as today's and they do have a tendency to go on a bit longer than one is used to... but if you're brave enough to give this film a go, when the long effects scenes are upon you, just let your modern expectations melt away, and think about how wondrous what you are watching would have been in a world where there were still millions of Model-T's on the road!


Nick's Childhood Dinosaur Confession:
Like Chris, I too was into dinosaurs as a child... but I must admit I was wooed into such a state. You see, at the age when dinos are big for young boys He-Man had a firm grip on my heart... my cousin was the one who really loved dinosaurs (with his dino-fossils, dino-books and dino-toys), not me. However, after seeing his zeal for the subject and experiencing the satisfaction of making a T-Rex eat a G.I. Joe, naturally, I promptly made room in my heart for dinosaurs.
Phew! I feel much better getting that off my chest!

The Skinny: Check this flick out - it's in the Library of Congress for Pete's sake! You'll either appreciate it or think its hilarious (or quite possibly feel both ways) - either way its a win-win situation. Goooooooo dinos!




Things We Learned from “The Lost World”:
-Unspoken rule: Kissing someone means you want to marry them - in five minutes.
-The Allosaurus is one angry a-hole of an animal.
-You can Andrew W.K. dance to the end credits of the flick.
-Monkeys will climb anything if it means getting to a human woman.
-Watch out for “girlish whim.”
-T-Rex was a picky eater.
-People fall into friendship as fast as they fall in love in the olden days.
-A slide whistle is the perfect accompaniment to a slip and fall.
-Chris’s first TV crush was mini-skirted cave-girl Christa in the 1991 TV show “Land of the Lost.”
-In 1925 filmland, even the black people were white.
-It takes three seconds to get from London to the mouth of the Amazon by paper ship.
-The area code rule of dating even applies in The Lost World.
-In 1925, people fought by tumbling!

Quote of the Viewing:
[Hunter Sir John Roxton finds the scattered bones of missing explorer White, the father of Miss Paula White. When Roxton gets back to camp to break the news, Malone tells Roxton that he and Paula are going to get married! This puts Roxton in the position as party pooper.]
Chris: [scene shows Roxton talking to Paula] “Don’t expect your father to walk you down the isle. I mean! I’m sure he’s fine!”
Nick: He can still walk her down the aisle, she just has to grab his leg bones and do the work for him.

RDHP PRESENTS:

Things Worse Than Death

Prof. Challenger says in the movie that explorers can face death – or worse – in the Lost World. What could be worse than your entire existence and consciousness disappearing and one’s body becoming worm food? Well, here are a few things:

Tuesdays

Mondays get all the press, but we say Tuesdays are the day we’re most likely to ready our noose inside the olde work-hell cubicle. You know, just in case that last straw falls on our backs.

Toll Roads

We’d rather drive our cars off a cliff than onto these road rip-offs. You might have to make 37 turns and guide the way by star position, but it’s worth it to avoid paying “the man” his $1 per axle per mile.

Sitting Next to a “Talker”

Be it airplanes, Amtrak or any other confined public space, we’d rather end it all than have to fake listen to a seatmate who feels comfortable enough spilling their entire 6 hour life story to a complete stranger. Just because I’m sitting next to you doesn’t mean fate has brought us together for you to ear-torture me with asinine commentary.
I know somebody has to have a gun on this train. Please pass it forward!

Being a Tween

Hair is appearing where teacher said it would, but why does it still seem so strange? The raging emotions, hatred of parents, school, food, dogs, pencils, air, the blue sky… not to mention that Justin totally hit on Becky when he knew that Beck and I held hands that one time two weeks ago! Why are adults so lame! What is the point of life! I’m not going to use anything I learn here anyway! I’m just so sad, now elated, now sad! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Why is it only Tween Nick understands me!

China’s 10-day Traffic Jam

Chris was once in a four hour traffic jam on I-90 back in college when trying to drive from Kalamzoo to Chicago. After the second hour of not moving one foot, people got out of their cars and were hanging out with each other on the freeway. Around the third hour, people were not partying anymore... they were getting pissed. At 3.5 hours, I think I saw people sucking on their tailpipes. But a 10 day, 60 mile traffic jam! Death is much better.

Listening to This:

Dinosaur Parade!

The Lost World awakened in Nick and Chris their boyhood love of dinosaurs. Let’s celebrate by a Internet fueled spectacle known as the RDHP Dinosaur Parade!

Film #36: The Terror (1963)

Horn-dog fellas, some words for the wise:
Some chicks just ain’t worth it.
If that hot babe you mysteriously met causally tires to lure you to your death – she’s not worth it.
If you hear from the locals she might just be the half-demonic spirit of a murdered baroness slut – she’s really not worth it.
And most importantly, if your luscious object of affection can’t stop picking her mouth sores or itching downstairs, seriously, take it from college-era Nick and Chris, it is NOT WORTH IT!

Unfortunately, perpetual skirt chaser Jack Nicholson doesn’t heed these warnings, and literally chases after a diseased, dead and deadly Casper-ette in this week’s adventure known as “The Terror.”

A baby-faced Nicholson plays Lt. Andre Duvalier, an officer in the marauding Napoleonic army who gets separated from his regiment and passes out from sunstroke near a nondescript, B.F.E. beach. When he awakens, before him is a beautiful raven-haired woman named Helene, who seemingly materializes like a mermaid out of the sea. He asks her for water, and she leads him to some, but as he drinks she disappears.

Duvalier runs around the woods searching for his new friend, and finds her again. Okay, stop, stop, stop the writing. This is Jack’s first mistake. If you are talking to someone, turn your head for a second, and then see they have disappeared, don’t pursue them. It only means trouble.
But she is just so beautiful! Yeah yeah yeah, whatever dude. Alright, where were we…

When Duvalier catches up with the woman, she is retreating back to the water just as the tide rolls in. He follows, but loses her in the mist. Suddenly, as the waves crash down on him, a menacing bird strikes at his head and attacks! He beats at the bird, beats at the waves, and soon beats himself, then passes out again.

He wakes up this time in an old woman’s crapshack, who tells him it was her bird he saw but it isn’t evil. It just likes to peck out eyes, no biggie. She also says there was no girl at the beach, but it was her servant Gustaf who found him alone.

That night, Duvalier sees the beautiful woman again, and she leads him out into the dark forest. Just as he is about to blindly follow her into deadly quicksand, Gustaf again saves him.

“Put it back in your pants, idiot!” Gustaf says. “That wench be a ghost who is trying to kill you, homes!” Gustaf explains that the woman Duvalier keeps trying to corner was once the Baroness Isla Von Leppe, who lived in a now abandoned castle up the hill. Her ghost has haunted these parts nearly 20 years after her murder.
Duvalier doesn’t believe him: how can someone that sexy be dead! And even if she is dead, that has never stopped Nicholson before!

Duvalier makes a trek up to the Von Leppe estate, and finds the Baron Victor Fredrick Von Leppe still in the house. There is no beautiful woman here, Von Leppe – played by Boris Karloff – insists. The only woman in the house lies in the crypt: the Baron’s long dead wife Ilsa Von Leppe!

After some prying, Boris spills the beans about how 20 years ago he returned from a long war campaign to find his beloved wife Isla in bed with another man named Eric. In a rage, Victor murdered both Isla and Eric, and decided to never leave his castle again out of pure shame. Ahhh, poor devil.

These last few weeks Victor has been haunted by Isla, who keeps insisting he kill himself and join her in the afterlife. It must have been Isla’s ghost that Duvalier is lusting after, Boris surmises. But the woman told Duvalier her name was Helene, so what gives!

Later it is revealed that the seemingly innocent old bird woman who first took in Duvalier is actually not only a notorious witch, but also the mother of Eric, the lover Victor killed in hot blood. The witch returned to those parts with Victor’s long lost daughter Helene, possessed the broad Helene with her dead mothers demonic spirit, and is using the girl to get her suicidal revenge on Victor!
But not if horn-dog Duvalier has anything to do with it!

Will Helene become fully possessed and cause the murder of her lost father? Will the witch finally avenge her beloved son? Will Jack get a piece of that sweet, rotting flesh?
Find out in the twisty conclusion of 1963’s low budget flick, “The Terror”!

RDHP Ratings and Reviews

C-Rating: 2.8
Chris Dimick possesses:
“This movie seemed to have it all. A great cast, a notoriously bad/awesome director, and a twisting, somewhat complex story line. But for some reason the sum of those parts did not equal a great movie. But in their own, each of these aspects of The Terror made it fun to watch. Here’s why.

The Cast:

-You’ve got the RDHP’s old friend Boris Karloff playing the broken Baron Victor Fredrick Von Leppe.
Though he phoned in our last movie, here Boris is older but better, stealing every scene he is in. Sure, when he walks the 76-year-old horror legend looks like he is mimicking his role as Frankenstein, but he gives real emotion to a character who has lived in seclusion for 20 years following the rage-driven murder of his one true love. Boris still had it in this movie, and he flaunted it.

-Then there is Jack Nicholson, who I don’t think could ever really act, but there is just something special about seeing him on the screen. He has great presence, and that goes a long way in a horror movie. And that voice! Listening to him and Boris exchange dialog was like overhearing the back row of the United Nations. You couldn’t quite pin down their accent, but it sure sounds pleasant.

-Dick Miller turned in a brilliant performance as Baron Von Leppe’s devoted assistant. Dick is a character actor who has held many small, but memorable roles including the veteran neighbor in Gremlins, and the murderous artist in Bucket of Blood. This is probably some of his best work, which is a shame really that it is kind of lost in this unknown film.

The Director:

-Then you have director Roger Corman, a personal producer/director favorite of mine. Corman is a low-budget king of cinema, directing movies like “Little Shop of Horrors” and producing in some capacity over 200 trashy films like “Tales of Terror” and “X: The Man With X-Ray Eyes.” These are movies you watch when you don’t feel like thinking… and that is not an insult. Everyone needs a break from the world, and Corman can always deliver that well needed respite. In The Terror, Corman doesn't disappoint with a few shock scenes and a well paced movie.

The Story:

Though I just said Corman’s movies are shallow, this is one of the more deep Corman movies I have seen. The plot had Nick and I both asking aloud questions, serious questions, that came out of the somewhat involved story. The Terror left quite a bit open to interpretation, and that is one of its strengths. Many horror movies want to do all the work for the audience plot-wise, and don’t require much heavy mental lifting. But The Terror impressed me in that long after the movie, I was thinking about the various possibilities of the story.

Just who was that woman, was it really a ghost or a possessed daughter or what? There is a twist ¾ through the movie that throws the audience into a confused cloud of fun as well. Sprinkle in some unexpected gory affects that come just when you need them, and it is easy to say The Terror was an entertaining watch.

But, even though it was fun, this one still gets just a 2.8. Though it was interesting, the plot was muddled and could have been spelled out a little more. The print Nick and I watched was abysmal, and looked like you were watching the movie through gauze.

It was fun, but not more so than your average summer work gathering. You know, at first you are just happy to be out of work, there is an open bar, and you can catch up with work friends. But then you realize you can’t have more than one beer for fear of doing something stupid in front of the CEO, conversation with your work friends runs out, and you realize that although you are not at work you are still not at home.

The Terror is a take it or leave it type of flick. If you happen to see it, great! But don’t go out of your way for it.”

N-Rating: 2.4
Nick Rich possesses:
"What can you say about a movie that you couldn't actually see? Yes, that is an exaggeration, but not by much. The first thing that comes to mind when I think of The Terror is the terror I had to endure in watching a film where I literally could not tell what was happening in a good 17% of the movie (yeah, 17%... what of it?)!
Had it not been for the project, I dare say I would have thrown in the towel on this one due to frustration - I mean, I'm not a high def snob and I don't mind a few cigarette burns, pops and hisses with my cinema, but DANG! This film looked like it was stored out of the canister underneath a pile of McDonald's cheeseburgers for 35 years! There were many a moment where I had to ask Chris what he thought was going on, as I couldn't interpret what the shaded blurs were doing (especially the last 5 minutes of the film).

Viewing frustration aside, The Terror was a pretty entertaining film, entertaining enough to get Chris and I talking at least - although I could still be reeling from last week's Voodoo Island. Bah! Let's not let our minds wander back to that dark time...
Chris wasn't lying, Boris packs a mean punch in this film (performance-wise, although for an old dude I'm sure he still had a mean right hook), delivering a poignant portrayal of a tortured old soul. Add to that Dick Miller holding his own against a (debatable, i.e. Jack Nicholson) heavy cast and the acting in this film was a cut above what one would expect from a 60's B-movie. I honestly can't remember if there were a musical score, which could mean it was absent (which wouldn't surprise me) or so fitting that it melted into the background.

Well, now that I've mustered up some "compliments", let take a gander at the things that irked me about this film:

• It started with a non sequitur "scare" that had absolutely nothing to do with the film. It made me feel cheap.
• There's no way I can believe Jack Nicholson is a French Lieutenant in Napoleon's Army. Just. No. Way.
• I don't buy a Germanic Baron living in a castle on the ocean... Call me crazy, but it just doesn't seem right.
• Jack's Napoleonic service pistol is a revolver. A REVOLVER.
• What's the deal with the girl in this film - is she alive... or dead... or!?!?
• How is 76 year old Boris able to open a gate but the youngin's ain't?

I hope Chris enjoys this film for many years to come (as he owns it as a part of one of his 50-pack horror DVDs)!

The Skinny: Check this flick out if you want proof that old guys can still 'kick it' or if you have perfect sight and have always wondered what it was like to have poor vision.

Things We Learned from The Terror:
-We really need to buy some awesome Karloff-esqe silk robes for night-night time.
-Pushing down an old man is easy, even for a ghost.
-God’s one unforgivable sin is suicide.
-The older Boris gets, the more he looks like Frankenstein.
-It is really hard to punch a flying hawk.
-Mute people like to vogue dance.
-Always look before opening a door in a creepy castle.
-1786 was only 20 years ago.
-Six shooters were totally around in 1806.
-Castle crypts come equipped with a 'flood switch' which lets the ocean in.
-Nick and Chris likes their graveyards extra smokey!

Quote of the Viewing:
[Spoiler alert! Andre leans in and gives a loving kiss to Helene, who meets this affection by melting into a mess of peanut buttery goo.]
Chris: “One kiss from Jack Nicholson is all it takes to make the ladies melt…literally.”

RDHP Go Bird-Watching!
An eye-pecking, possibly possessed hawk is a main character in The Terror. While some in the flick hate the winged beast, its old lady master just adores her feathered friend. Here we invite you to creep along in the Internet forest and spot these lovely fixtures of the sky. Look! I see one now…

Ohhh, my, what a wing-span!

Get 'er, boys!

This vision of beauty brings a tear to my black, dead eyes.

Birds: scaring the poo out of children since dinosaurs devolved into flying rats.

I"m sure there is a story here... but we don't want to hear it.

Looks like "The Trump" is catching on in Congress!

Oh my, just look at that beautiful plumage!

I think a little puke just seeped through my beak.

They were "so happy together"... until drugs, girls, greed and an incident with a turkey baster tore them apart.

Next, on the True Hollywood Story.

This one would pick your bones dry if you let 'em.

Every Cubs fan's favorite Byrd...Marlon.

The most ironic picture we have ever seen.

Don't play this video near Molly Dimick... she will punch you for it.

RDHP List:

Our Favorite Witches

They may be brides of Satan, but that doesn’t stop the RDHP from enjoying the antics of those silly, pointy hated ladies of the night – witches. In The Terror, a witch uses her evil powers to get revenge on the man who killed her son. She gets a pretty bad rap in the movie, so to counter this witch-a-phobia, we offer a list of wiccan wenches that always turn our heads.

Samantha Stephens

Chris once broke his nose trying to twitch it like Samantha.

Wicked Witch of the West

Who didn't hate that bitch Dorothy? You go sole sister, get that lil' brat!

Salem Witches

"Welcome to Salem. Oh, you don’t have a husband? That's nic...Burn her! Burn the witch!"

Charmed's Witches

Most men didn't mind when Alyssa Milano cast her tight pants spell on them.

Sabrina

Oh, she is a teenage bride of hell! How cute!

The Blair Witch

Yeah, we never saw this creeper in the hit 90s thriller, but we didn't need to.

Rita Repulsa

What drugs were the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers writers smoking when they came up with Rita Repulsa. A space alien witch? Really?

Kathy Lee Gifford

She is wicked, bossy, shrill, and sends children running for their mothers. Yep, this hag is a witch!